Redartz: Hi gang! Your humble host is traveling today, and therefore I've summoned the Leader to help request a topic for discussion. We know we can count on you to fill this space with clever conversation and amusing anecdotes; provocative posers and rewarding ruminations. And so, let your voices be heard!
34 comments:
We are out of toilet paper in our stores because of the Corona Virus hoarders!
But our venerable BitBA host Redartz posted on SteveDoesComics.blogspot.com yesterday that we could use a "lame comic" as a substitute! (Why not? My grandmother told me that they used the Sears Catalogue, as her family's first choice, back in the 1920s in her outhouse in Winthrop Harbor, Illinois.)
So, list your favorite lame comic that you would sacrifice!
Also, list a lame song, TV show, Movie, or whatever that actually makes you want to... ummm... use that lame comic!
I'm ready for this question Charlie!
I was just reading Captain Glory, which was part of several issues put out by Topps in 1993 based on Kirby "doodling." Roy Thomas, Steve Ditko, and many other famous folks worked on Cpt. Glory, Bombast, Nighthawk, Satan's Six in the brief time period.
I have to nominate Cpt. Glory as "lame." Near 30 years later it's worth a $1.50 mint, which is less that I paid for it, lol! (Objective proof of lameness?)
And a song that gets me "there" is Chicago's "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" from 1982. That voice...
Comic: NFL Superpro. Any X- or Dark Knight parody comic from the 1980s.
Song: You Light Up My Life by Debbie Boone. Cringe-worthy after 40+ years.
Doug
I know I'm going to offend someone, but ...
Seeing as the door has been opened for material outside of the Bronze Age, I'd say anything by Rob Liefeld. At least that way I'd be sure not to get a foot (or only an impossibly tiny one) up my backside.
From the Bronze Age, I'd nominate Charleton's Bullseye. I've yet to encounter anything there which absolutely needed seeing the light of day.
And for a song, Doug's is pretty hard to top, but I'd nominate anything off the millions of Grateful Dead bootlegs out there. Touch of Grey? aaargh...
Cheers!
Comics: Team America. At 12 issues (all of which I used to have for some reason that still escapes me), there's a good supply.
Song: anything by Air Supply.
TV shows: nothing worse than so-called 'reality' TV, esp. crap (an a propos turn of phrase) like Big Brother, Survivor, Wife Swap, Apprentice and any variations on those themes.
Movies: this might raise some hackles, but WTH, Woody Allen's Manhattan.
Yeah, there were some crap-tastic comics in the 80s (Steeltown Rockers, Street Poet Ray, Team America); then of course, you get into the 90s and you're kinda spoiled for choice ...
Charlie Horse:
Oh, COME ON! Seriously, using Kirby's Captain Glory as TP? This is inappropriate and UNACCEPTABLE. The paper is far too heavy and slick. It won't crumple properly, just fold along straight lines. Paper cuts are the last thing you want down there!
I think we need something not too smooth, not too rough, with a good rag content. One of those massive ESSENTIAL / SHOWCASE phonebooks, maybe. SHOWCASE PRESENTS BATMAN Vol. One would be a good candidate -- 500 pages of "New Look" Infantino/ Giella, Shelly Moldoff and Win Mortimer would last me a few months, I reckon.
Edo:
Yeah, TEAM AMERICA is a good choice. I'd suggest U.S. 1 too -- but tear off those nice Mike Golden covers first.
- b.t.
Just checked out the TEAM AMERICA and US 1 covers on the GCD -- all that 80s awfulness came flooding back -- but what i really want to know is, how did Marvel resist doing a MEGAFORCE comic???
- b.t.
Theres an awful lot of terrible old comics out there, its hard to know where to start.
Sure, we can have a go at Rob Liefeld, "new look" Carmine Infantino, F*** R****** or whoever, but so what? Its actually more interesting to come up with something bad by people you'd expect better from.
In that sense Captain Glory is quite a good choice. In the same spirit allow me to suggest Batman: The Cult - who would have thought back when it came out a comic by Jim Starlin and Berni Wrightson could be so bad?
-sean
Hmmm, "Bad Comics by Good Artists" -- i like it!
The RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK adaptation by Walter Simonson, Big John Buscema and Klaus Janson comes to mind. I love all 3 of those guys -- but this one, not so much. Big John's CONAN THE BARBARIAN adaptation is distressingly bland as well.
That 4-issue "Prestige format" TOMB OF DRACULA miniseries by Wolfman and Colan, 1991. Egad!
- b.t.
I'd almost say any F**** R****** comic would make good substitute TP, but I have too much love & respect for the characters he unfortunately drew.
The idea of turning comics into toilet paper is horrifying to me, as growing up I had to skrimp, save, scheme & finagle ways to get pennies to buy books.
I'd have to say I'd use some independent titles, like Rabid Monkey, Death & Candy, Captain Spyder, Jim Shooter's Plasm, & John Byrne's Next Men. Image's Wetworks would make appropriate butt-wipe.
Actually, alot of Valiant and Image books from a few decades ago should be setting in a rotting outhouse, ready for their REAL use. What a waste of trees.
I could go on forever about bad pop tunes, but "You Light Up My Life" is a good pick. I'm also not a fan of Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings".
Awful movies are actually a hobby of mine, I purposely hunt them down then visually torture myself.
Off the top of my head, some of the worst films I've ever seen were made by director Andy Milligan.
Most of that man's "gems" were period-piece horror attempts on a $1.39 budget. They have to be seen to be believed.
One of his most memorable films was "The Rats Are Coming...The Werewolves ARE HERE!". The title is the best part of the movie. Its mind-boggling he made as many as he did. He makes Ed Wood look like Cecil B. DeMille.
Lamest comic: the British weekly 'Roy Of The Rovers' because it was about bloody football (soccer).
Worst music: I find all rap and hip-hop to be completely atrocious.
I'm sorry-- everyone seems to have forgotten there was this thing called "Secret Wars II"-- but I'm happy to remind us all of those perpetually forced, badly-scripted issues, socme of which had pages that apparently went to press without the benefit of having been fully inked. . . (lordy!)
Songs-- oof, just about anything by AC?DC--- which puts me out of synch with pretty much my whole generation!
HB
I think I like Sean's version of this question: "Bad comics by great artists!" That way we won't rehash bad comics by bad artists!
I would add Devil Dinosaur by Kirby.
And this may rankle some feathers, but Kubert's Enemy Ace is like Silver Surfer on a tri-plane. "Wo be unto me. The sky is the killer of us all!" Well, that may be Silver Age but, like the Surfer, the stories though brilliantly drawn and well told also had the "mope factor" overwhelmingly prevalent. Even my son, around 15 at the time when I introduced him to Enemy Ace said, "The Sky is the killer of us all dad! After 3 stories it's pretty much the same!" LOL.
Charlie, wiping your butt with ANYTHING Kirby is a downright travesty. Even Devil Dino.
I don't mind a bit of Roy of the Rovers Colin, although it lost me when Spandau Ballet joined the team (I am not making that up).
Football and sport themed comics generally were almost as big as war comics in the UK in the 70s, and its always struck me as odd that none of the US publishers thought the genre worth trying (obviously not proper football, but you have American "football", right?)
HB, you're in sync with me if no-one else, and I'll go you one better than AC/DC with my dislike of Led Zeppelin...
-sean
TV shows that would drive me into my room to re-read my comics, and divide me from my family, were 8 Is Enough, Waltons, Little House On The Prairie, Happy Days & Laverne And Shirley.
Hi, all. I would never wipe my posterior with any comic, as that would be disrespectful to the creators. However, I am always happy to hate upon any issue of Atlas's Iron Jaw.
When it comes to music, it has to be Afternoon Delight by The Starland Vocal Band. Never has a song about sex ever been so totally sexless.
When it comes to TV, I have to go for The Waltons. Such wholesomeness is like poison to my soul.
When it comes to movies, I would go for any movie that features the Transformers.
I have a high tolerance for cheesy / sugary pop songs. I actually kinda like "Afternoon Delight". For me, it conjures up an image of some pretty, young, wholesome, church-going, librarian type racing home on her lunch hour for a nooner.
"Billy Don't Be A Hero" by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods is pushing it and "Muskrat Love" by The Captain and Tennille is over the line (the tune isn't even catchy). Also, "Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast" by Wayne Newton is way too saccharine even for me, and "You're Having My Baby" by Paul Anka is just awful on so many levels.
- b.t.
HA HA! You folks would love, as much as I do, the Circle Jerks song "Golden Shower Of Hits"!!
It's a punk rock-medley of crappy pop tunes, detailing a typical relationship.
In order, they rip into "Along Comes Mary", "Afternoon Delight", "Having My Baby", and "D-I-V-O-R-C-E".
Funny & ripping song. Highly recommend, and may make you a Circle Jerks fan.
Colin - I rather like Roy of the Rovers, LOL!
Sean - I have theories about why the USA never developed a sport comic. My best guess is the distances are so great, between competing teams, we never developed this tribalism for a home team like you in the UK often seem to do with soccer. Nobody was traveling from Chicago to New York, or Cleveland, to see the Chicago White Sox play the Yankees or the Indians... simply too far.
(In NY and Chicago, with multiple baseball teams, you had the your tribe, for sure, but o/wise no. To this day I proudly say "Cubs Suck!" LOL.)
Also, THE US sport would have been baseball until the 60s. It's slow and does not lend itself to an action comic?
I guess if the UK had a comic about cricket, instead of Roy of the Rovers and Soccer, we could explore further?
While baseball fans might not travel so much, Charlie, American football fans do.
The fans of the Steelers are highly mobile, for example.
Now that that was mentioned, Marvel's NFL Super Pro comic would make excellent TP.
HI KD - so the Brits had Roy of the Rovers (a fictional soccer team named Rovers, not Roy) that was a weekly comic starting in the early 50s. (I've read a few of them.)
Also, when I would read their so-called Christmas Annuals, which were thick hardback comics, they frequently had stories about soccer, track, whatever. (No superheroes though, just action and funny stuff.)
I can't think of anything comparable in the US world of comics? I know there were some baseball related comic books in the 1940s? But nothing in the silver or bronze age I know of, though the Brits still had a fair number of sports stories in their comics.
Then our comics were generally just comic books and the newspaper strips which had a singular focus like adventure or funny stuff.
Wow, you all really took the ball and ran with it! Well done! I've been away on a visit with my grandson, and in the process taking a chance that my airline flight wouldn't get cancelled. Fortunately it didn't, and apparently I made it home just in time to hunker down at home for an indeterminate time (like most of you, no doubt).
For Charlie's question: I would use some of my coverless, ragged comics if fate and nature required it. Like Steve DC, I'm reticent to tar any creator with the stigma of toilet paper producer. That said, there are certainly comics I'd happily misplace or give away: most 90's Image and Valiant. The Spider-man arc with Norman Osborn monkeying around with Gwen. No doubt there are more, but I'm still dealing with jet lag.
Filmwise: most 'action films' of the last twenty years. Explosions and car crashes; yawn...
Musically: I'm with you, HB- AC\DC doesn't do it for me. And anything with autotune goes straight to delete.
Television: you called it Edo. "Reality" television is a waste of perfectly good airwaves...
But seriously folks, be careful out there, wash your hands, use tissue (just like Mama told us), and be safe. We all seem to be living out a very strange science fiction film in real life. Let's hope this crazy journey has a happy ending. And be sure to read a few comics while sitting out the inevitable quarantines!
Oof-- tough day yesterday--
@ b.t.- You NAILED a couple of Bronze Age radio tunes that had since popped into my head for this discussion. Muskrat Love-- gnrgh!! And we couldn't stand ol' Wayne Newton's voice in my family as it was (a disservice, in retrospect--), and Daddy etc So Fast would have us BEGGING Mom to change the car radio channel. A recent phenomenon, caused by my listening-habit comfort zone on XM-Radio, is that I am UTTERLY burnt out on The Eagles and Steve Miller Band. Those two groups are in heavy rotation across a wide swath of "genre" stations, and I've gotten to the point where the opening guitar riff from Long Run has me dashing over to change the station.
Back to TV--- Teammates, teammates-- I KNOW we've talked about HEE-HAW 'round here before! Pretty much the bottom of the barrel for us kids. To be fair, we never lingered on LAWRENCE WELK long enough for it to even register as something to loathe. . .
HOWEVER-- a show that I consciously decided, on my own, wasn't worth my TV-Addicted attention was THREE'S COMPANY when it first aired. I would look around my empty room, wondering if I was missing what was supposed to be good about it, beyond the TIRED wink&a-nod jokes and the obvious jiggle-factor. Oof.
Hey, back to comics--- possibly the first 2 or 3 months of the New Universe would be worth bringing into the conversation? Or-- at least about half of that uneven stable of titles? (KICKERS, INC; SPITFIRE; NIGHTMASK; MERC-- come immediately to mind---)
HB
HB :
Here in Southern California, the dang Eagles have been in HEAVY rotation on the Classic Rock stations for the last thirty years. Always the same four or five songs, too. Hey Radio, if you absolutely HAVE to inundate us with Eagles tunes, maybe you could at least throw in “Witchy Woman” once in a while to break up the monotony, instead of “Hotel California” or “New Kid in Town” for the fifteenth time today...
- b.t.
Well if I went the good artist, bad comic route, I would pick Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos. Not a Ditko favorite there.
Music? Anything "Lite Rock" or profanity laden "Hip-Hop"
TV? Yep, "Reality". Imagine the amount of TP there would be if you could convert the film rolls from the last 20 years to tissue!
Man oh man... with all the mentions of bands that make me run to the lou... (Or is it lew?) The Eagles - Yes!
Steve Miller - Yes!
Wayne Newton - Yes!
Muskrat Love - Yes!
AC/DC - Mostly yes!
Quick - find me a Ditko 1980s or 1990s comic!!! We are still out of TP here!
“Bad Movies by Great Directors” Department:
E.T.
Super-manipulative filmmaking in its most basic form, but such a huge box office smash that Spielberg couldn’t resist indulging his weakness for sappy, cutesy sentimentality for the next ten years or so. Haven’t seen it since that one time in the theatre back in ‘82 — maybe I wouldn’t dislike it as much these days (but I doubt it)
- b.t.
Oof-- Edo posted on FB that his home city, there, got hit by an earthquake last night-- but marked himself safe, thank goodness.
(Edo-- thought I'd give a heads-up on yer behalf here, until ya get back to us on your own time, eh?)
HB
Thanks for the info, HB! Edo, be safe, and hang in there!
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